Sunday, July 18, 2010

This Post is Late because it was done on Amtrak

Location: Amtrak Train, somewhere between Lafayette and Crawfordsville, IN
Type of Bread: The cheapest wheat bread they sell at Treasure Island

If you are living in the 19th century, trains are a symbol of industry and progress. However, if you are living in the 21st century, they are a symbol of always being late and having more legroom than you would on a plane. They also have power outlets now so that you can work. Most people use these to watch movies and videos of people falling down, but I use them to make toast.

On Amtrak, they organize the cars by the location the passengers are getting off at. I was one of the few people getting off the sprawling metropolis of Crawfordsville, Indiana, and was sharing the car with people getting off in Lafayette. I waited for the people to get off in Lafayette, and after they were gone I got my toaster (which was cleverly stashed in my carry-on bag) and toasted away.

To anyone reading this from plane: look at my legroom and weep

I awkwardly tried to take pictures of myself to prove I was there.

This is my "AHH THIS PICTURE BETTER BE GOOD BECAUSE MY BACK ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BEND THIS WAY" face. A picture of me doing the kissy face with the toaster will be posted on MySpace

I thought I would be safe considering I was one of five people on the train, but I thought wrong. A fellow passenger on her way back from the lavatory walked past, and quickly did a double take. She asked me what I was doing, and I explained that I was making toast. She thought it was pretty funny, and I asked her to take my picture.

I was really into the thumbs up that night.

The lady and I shot the breeze for a while, when I see something in my peripheral vision. I turn my head and see one of the conductors running down the length of the train saying "What is that smell?" My first thought was "Crap, how am I going to convince him that this is not a bomb." I looked for the emergency exit I could use for a quick escape (its an Amtrak train, so it was probably going about 15 mph, making for a safe jump), but then remembered I wasn't in a plane sitting at my usual exit row seat. I took a moment to regret my decision to take a train rather than fly, but then I remembered that using the emergency exit on a plane would be fatal. I took another second to appreciate all the legroom I had. I then remembered that a conductor was running toward me, and prepared myself for a sentence of indeterminate length at Guantanamo Bay. The conversation went like this:

Conductor: "What are you doing?"
Me: "... making toast?"
Conductor: "Hahaha, I thought it smelled like toast. That is a great idea!"
Me: (relieved) "Heh, yeah. I didn't have dinner, so I thought I'd make toast!"
(At this point a second conductor approaches)
Conductor 2: "You're making toast?"
Me: "Yep"
Conductor 2: "You should bring coffee. You'd make a killing!"
Conductor 1: "Yeah, and fried eggs!"
Me: "I could replace the dining car!"

The conversation went on like this for a while, and eventually the conductors and the lady went back to their seats. Whenever they passed me, they suggested more things to sell with my toast. It was great fun. I learned a valuable lesson that day: That Amtrak has more leg room than a plane AND the chillest staff in history.

I got to Crafordsville at the expected hour late. The nice lady waited with me at the train station until my Grandma arrived to pick my up. As I watched the train pull away from the station, my heart was filled the love of trains that's been with me since childhood, my legs were full of happiness because they weren't cramped for the 6 hour train ride, and my stomach was full of delicious toast.

1 comment:

  1. This is the kind of material that needs to end up in your autobiography.